Stop pulling, start connecting
Have you ever felt like you’re constantly pulling people along?
Students who need convincing that it’s worth putting in the effort.
Colleagues who’ve been doing things the same way for years and seem unmoved by new ideas.
Team members who nod politely but don’t really engage.
I’ve been there. And I have one simple piece of advice.
Stop pulling.
Start connecting.
Whether you’re a school leader or a classroom teacher, the principle is the same: meaningful change doesn’t start with stronger arguments. It starts with stronger connection.
I often think about this when I see teachers in conflict with their students.
Not because they’re fighting, but because they’re trying to convince.
Trying to explain why the work matters, why it’s good for them, why they need to focus.
But students rarely move because we’ve made the perfect argument.
They move when they feel seen. When they’re invited in. When their perspective is part of the process.
The same goes for our colleagues.
As school leaders or innovators, we sometimes fall into the trap of believing that if we just explain it better, people will follow. But explanation is not the same as connection. And without connection, there’s no real progress.
Last week, I had the honour of welcoming a group of school leaders and educators from Australia to my hometown of Sittard. We visited schools together and spoke openly about what it means to innovate in real life. Not in theory, but inside real classrooms and teams.
During one of those conversations, I said to a school leader, “I know how exhausting it is to always feel like you’re pulling people along.”
Because I’ve done it. I’ve been that leader.
And I’ve learned that the harder you pull, the more people start to lean back.
Often, that resistance doesn’t come from the content of the change. It comes from how we talk about it.
I’ve noticed this in myself too. When I give a talk, I’m sometimes introduced as the progressive voice. Not in a negative way, but in a way that subtly sets me apart from those who are supposedly less far along. That framing creates sides. Instead of sparking synergy, it invites comparison.
And when a team starts to compare, it stops connecting.
Because innovation doesn’t grow through debate. It grows through synergy.
That means using language that connects rather than convinces.
It means recognising that even the most hesitant colleague may hold a key piece of the puzzle.
It means designing conversations and cultures where people feel safe enough to contribute instead of defend.
This shift in tone is powerful, and it works both in the classroom and in leadership.
We don’t want to win arguments with our students about what’s good for their learning.
We want to build environments where they feel seen, capable, and motivated to take the next step.
We don’t want our team members to adopt our ideas.
We want them to shape those ideas together with us so they become theirs too.
I made a short video about this mindset shift. It shows how quickly a conversation can change when we move from competition to collaboration.
If you’re curious, you can find it here:
Watch the Synergy video, at the end you’ll find a QR-code to a list of 120+ Synergy Twins you can use to stay or get out of debate and into a constructive conversation!
Try this for yourself.
→ Where in your work do you notice conversations slipping into debate instead of connection?
→ How could you reframe your words so they invite contribution rather than comparison?
→ And what is one place this week where you can consciously choose synergy over debate?
Next week, I’ll continue the story.
Because if synergy is about language and connection, then the next step is about action. What do we actually do to help people move? How do we create the kind of conditions where teachers, students, even the so-called reluctant ones, begin to take steps that surprise us all?
I’ll share a story that changed my thinking forever. It involves a dusty chalkboard, a colleague no one expected to lead, and a moment that shifted an entire team culture.
More on that next week.
Keep building synergy,
Rob
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